Hilarious Foodie Tweets
Hilarious foodie tweets guaranteed to hit the spot! (oh yes, we went there!)
Food. A strong staple in our society that brings people of all walks of life together. Or, if you’re like #28, it can completely tear your life apart!
1. This delicious relationship truth.
90% of a relationship is figuring out where to eat
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 26, 2013
2. Favored Foodie Positions.
i prefer 6O9 where you are both curled up around a big pizza — zoë bread (@zoebread) September 7, 2013
3. What makes a foodie hot? Duh. It’s food. Hot food.
I just opened up a pizza box and the heat fogged up my glasses like some sort of nerd who saw something sexy
— Marie Colette (@MarieColette) December 5, 2012
5. Well you gotta stop for a McFlurry!
[hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom]
“Now give me my wife.”
“This is short by £2.39”
[hides Mcflurry] “it’s all I got.”
— Paul (@FrenulumBreve) December 23, 2014
6. It was only once! Oh, you mean the animals…
HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING — g cake (@GarrettCake) August 31, 2012
7. The classic.
“Do you have Coke”
No, is Pepsi okay
“Do you have updog”
“Haha not much and no Pepsi is absolutely not okay”
— BeardSpice (@BeardSpice) September 30, 2014
8. It starts.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins. — Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 30, 2013
9. The look of…
Ten mins into trifle and chill and he gives u this look x pic.twitter.com/adXVSnBe20
— amz (@amyrebeccaw__) September 6, 2015
10. The real story of the Hamburgular…
[Hamburglar returns home from a long day of burger stealing] another long day at work stealing burgers. Wife: we need money not burgers — luke (@internetluke) October 13, 2014
11. From the foodie pickup lines handbook.
Damn girl are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet because I’m not feeling it right now but I see you over there doing you and I respect that.
— Tony Logan (@tnylgn) October 7, 2013
12. Chai Latte for Bond? James Bond?
-The name’s Bond. James Bond. -I’ve written Bond now. -Oh. Can you change it or is it too late? -When your coffee’s ready they’ll call Bond — keri (@kerihw) July 4, 2014
13. For real. So rude.
please don’t open up a new can of whoop ass when there is already an opened one in the refrigerator
— Danny Charnley (@DanKCharnley) May 7, 2014
14. Works every time.
15. True story.
It’s a lot easier to stop eating carbs once you’ve come to terms with living a joyless life full of anger and sadness.
— Smug Lemur (@Smug_Lemur) January 29, 2015
16. Soo awkward!
That awkward moment when you try to start a food fight by throwing a sandwich but the guy just catches it and says “thanks for the sandwich” — TYLER LEMCO (@tlemco) December 19, 2012
17. *phone explodes*
Godzilla on his smartphone, googling ‘How many carbs does Tokyo have’
— Chris Johnson (@Eenfidel) September 9, 2013
18. Real-life advice, kids.
Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing — shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
what Lana song is this from??? pic.twitter.com/kZYm1Kh1gz
— ric (@ricardojkay) June 19, 2015
20. It’s a place of healing.
A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive. — Ceej (@ceejoyner) May 24, 2013
21. How to stay fat and single forever.
*approaches hot blonde at supermarket*
“Excuse me but has anyone ever told you that you’re blocking the fucking Lunchables?”
— Mått (@shadygrenade) June 5, 2014
22. You’ve gone too far, sir! Good day!
Parmesan Sir? “Yes please” Say when. *Grates Parmesan* Sir? “…” *Grates fingers* SIR? “…” *Grates entire hand* Please…I have a family. — GoaT FacE ThrillA (@EndhooS) July 8, 2014
23. Take us with you. We beg of you!
Steps to survive on a dessert island:
1. check spelling
2. if correct, enjoy
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) February 4, 2015
24. Snack and yak – the newest wireless trend.
25. OMG, he’s like some sort of magician!
I can’t turn water into wine, but I can turn ice cream into breakfast.
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) June 25, 2012
26. Sorry sir, might I bring you a new face?
waiter, there’s a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup — the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) March 11, 2014
27. “Feels kinda creepy human…DOESN’T IT?!” -fridge
My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left.
— Chez McCorvey (@CelebrityChez) July 24, 2012
28. The real reason for the deterioration of the classic family.
*calls up pizza place* WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU’RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT’S WORKING — Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014
29. Obviously not!
How has the guy who makes Capri Sun straw openings not been up for a job performance review?
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) July 17, 2012
30. Future pomologist? (google it!)Source: audipenny via twitter
31. Let's make some....potato salad!!Source: badongism via twitter
32. OMG Someone give this girl an apple!!Source: slightlyfunny77 via twitter
34. It's an abomination!Source: sbellelauren via twitter
35. Looks like a bad burn!Source: mattytalks via twitter